Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Did I marry right?




















Oh my!!!
Sincerely in my almost 8 years of marriage, I can't count how many times I've doubted my marital decision. 
I'm so sure i'm not alone on this.

The grass always looks greener on the other side!
Marital Issues  ๐Ÿ˜จ
So far on this journey, I've experienced a few of these issues but I sense some of us have faced more than me or even all [If you have faced all๐Ÿ˜ฑ haa, God is your muscles mehn]: 
  • Discomfort,
  • Delays in answered prayers, 
  • Petty and major fights, 
  • Persistent bad habits, 
  • Waiting to conceive,
  • Lingering negative friends,  
  • Reoccurring stagnant cycle, 
  • Failed career aspirations (mostly not spouse's fault), 
  • Ex's resurfacing,  
  • Side chics or side guys, 
  • Things not going as planned, 
  • Life not fitting into the self manufactured or painted picture of how life should be, 
  • Low cash flow, 
  • Debts,
  • Impromptu bills.
  • Terrifying in-laws.
  • Step children
Fill in the gaps peeps...
All these and much more constantly question our decision - I DO.
Most times our picture of marriage isn't what we are experiencing in reality.  
The days love doesn't seem enough.
When the butterflies seem to have died a natural death.

Weak times!
Guess what? It's during this vulnerable phase that life (or the devil) presents to us a "better option"; in order words,  the grass looks greener on the other side - the other guy or babe promises to give us what our spouse aren't giving us.
We begin to wonder if we "entered one chance"; even though we were sure "we heard HE IS THE ONE or SHE IS THE HELPER" before saying I DO, but now we aren't sure anymore.

Exit is it?














If we don't properly address these issues, 'exit' seems to be the easiest way out. 
But personally I've come to realize that 'exit' isn't always the best option on the long haulAt least that's the message I preach to myself because I'm convinced that I married right [though during hard times I'm not always 100% sure].

How am I convinced? 
I am convinced because I know the devil doesn't attack what he builds, he doesn't attack himself. He only attacks the works of God, so that he can proof that there is no God. 

How I talk myself out of Exit!
So, instead of just listening to myself rant, complain, compare my marriage with  others and give a foothold to the devil; I pinch myself and begin to speak the opposite of my circumstances to my marriage!

I learnt this strategy from a very wise man called King David. 
In Psalm 42: 9-10, we see King David lamenting and grumbling :
  "I say to God my Rock,
  Why have you forgotten me?
  Why must i go about mourning,
  oppressed by the enemy?"
  My bones suffer mortal agony 
  as my foes taunt me,
  saying to me all day long,
 "Where is your God?"

But in verse 11, King David snapped out of the downcast, self-pity, downtrodden, evil and depressing zone:
"Why, my soul, are you downcast?
  Why so disturbed within me?
  Put your hope in God,
  for I will yet praise him,
  my Savior and my God."

Reaffirmation that I made the right marital decision, I speak life into my marriage!
No one can encourage me like me.
No one can speak life into me like me.
No one can tell me the beauty that resides in my spouse like me.
N one was there when my spouse was filling my heart with true love.
No one was there when my spouse was giving me his best.
No one can love me like my spouse. 
I fight to focus on the good, beautiful and loving part of my spouse and magnify it till its apparent!

I also have a close knit of trusted spiritual ladies that I rant to whenever my mind is messed up. I realized it's not every time i'm in the mood to speak life or see the good in my marriage, so these ladies help reset my brain and I pick it up from there.  

My mindset - I have no options out!
Another thing I speak to myself is that I don't have options. 
I'm 'the destiny helper' for my spouse. 
My assignment is to help my spouse as a wife. 
Destiny helpers don't quit. 
They draw their strength from the creator of 'the helper'.
Yes, I've got no options on leaving my marriage.
I don't have options!
I lost the privilege to those options when I agreed to marry my spouse before God and men.
#Gbam. Once I think and act like I've options to check out of my marriage, the marriage won't work.

So this has helped me stay and sort things out. 
This has made me reappraise myself over and over again. 
This has made me work on myself to be a better version of me daily. 
This has pushed me to pray for my spouse and myself instead of dwelling on the wrongs.  
This has helped me stay focused and pass through each phase stronger, better and with new perspective to challenges.

YES, EXIT IT IS!
I won't disregard marriages that have failed or broken down irretrievably.
Those who have concluded they didn't marry right.
The marriage ended even before it started! 
Maybe the spouse isn't even interested anymore. 
Maybe the marriage was built on a wrong foundation. 
Maybe you have prayed hard, worked hard, begged so much to make the marriage work yet it failed.
Maybe the abuse, disrespect, adultery, violence, hate... has destroyed the marriage.
If these happened, I'm sure you will find this blog post as 'this isn't for me'.

NOPE! It's for you!!!!!
You must pick up yourself and MOVE ON.
Speak life to yourself and live again. 
Someone might feel, "Oh yea what do you know"?
I know that in life, shit happens [mind my french please๐Ÿ™Š].  
There are times we make terrible decisions and the consequences are really damaging.
There are times we are sure we heard God, but really "two people can't work together except they agree'. Amos 3:3
But you have to keep moving!

Retrace your steps back to your creator.
Ask Him to have mercy on you and lead you on the path to go. 
He alone can restore you to be whole again, nothing missing, nothing broken and nothing lacking. 
The marriage failed but God's mercy can help you start all over again.
You have missed it once [or twice, thrice] but God is a God of many chances.
Proverbs 24: 16 
"Or though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble, when calamity strikes".
You must forgive yourself, accept God's forgiveness, pick up yourself with the right mind set, attitude, resolve, tenacity, courage and faith and keep moving.
You will surely find God's kind of love and your new marriage will be blissful ❣❣❣
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*PS: Marriage is beautiful but it's hard work. 
Marriage can either help you fulfill your purpose or help you destroy it. 
Your marriage is a direct result of how much work you put into it.
So if your marriage is still working, resolve you don't have options but for it to continue to work.
If your marriage has hit the rocks, God is able to make all things new for you but you must heal, learn, unlearn, forgive and accept God's forgiveness.
❣❣❣

Friday, 4 May 2018

My Son wants to marry his Dad's Wife!




Oh My! I had an interesting dialogue with my Son last night and I'm yet to recover๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜…. 

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Dialogue:
Son: Mum, I was discussing with my friend in School today. I told him I will love to MARRY you.[with a very serious expression]

Me: ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Marry me? You can't marry me I'm your Mum.[my brain was busy racing because i wasn't sure if i had the right answers to convince him].

Son: Yes I know, but I still want to marry you, I love you so much.[still very serious].

Me: Haa, I love you to but I'm married to your Dad, I'm your Mum, I'm older than you; its just not right for you to marry your Mum. Infact, its a sin to marry your Mother, that's what the Bible says. [I was sure this will cut it for me].

Son: Mum, you still can't convince me, I want to marry you.

Me: See, I can't have 2 husbands just the same way your Dad can't have 2 wives. It's a sin Son, that's what the Bible says. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

Son: Mum, people had 2 wives some even had more than 2 wives in the Bible.๐Ÿ˜ง

Me: [I was already tired just holding myself not to shut him down] Son, that was in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, people didn't have 2 wives. 

Son: Oh true, we are under the New Testament because Jesus died and rose again. [We already had this bible study way back where we had to explain the difference and importance of both OT and NT]. But, still I love you and I want to marry you. 

Me: [At this point, I was exhausted] Son, Ok I know you love me but i don't want another husband. I'm content with my husband. Leave me alone. [I walked away ๐Ÿ™‰]

Son: Still not convinced ....
...
...
The End ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜…
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Wow, I was livid!

I have Questions in my head:
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How come marriage is already a topic amongst 6 years old?

Why would my Son want to marry me?

How best can I respond to these questions in the future?
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Lessons learnt:
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I felt so good that my Son loves me, It makes me know that I'm doing something right. ๐Ÿ’ƒ 

Now I understand the strong ties between Men and their Mums, you remember those Mummy's boys we never liked in High School.๐Ÿ˜ง 

It's very possible that the reason Mum-in-law and Daughter-in-Laws fight or disagree alot is because the guy has a strong tie to both of them and most times Mum's tie is stronger --- lets face it, that's the truth๐Ÿ˜ก. You can't take your Mum-in-law's place, its so sacred๐Ÿ˜‡. She is your husband's first crush๐Ÿ˜.

Another reason these fights happen is probably because the guy possibly married someone that is exactly like his Mum.๐Ÿ˜” And you know that people with similar characters always clash๐Ÿ˜ค. So be patient with your Mum-in-Law, you guys are pals in disguise.๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ƒ

Lastly, ensure you are training and disciplining yourself in life to be that kind of woman your son will love to marry in the future. ๐Ÿ‘Œ

If you don't know, we are the first role models for our kids and the next generation. They are watching the way we think and act. 
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Thanks for reading๐Ÿ’—
I appreciate you.
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Please leave an answer my above questions or leave a comment below if you enjoy reading from me๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜›
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Wums๐Ÿ’–




Thursday, 22 February 2018

I didn't have new year resolutions!!!


Image result for why i didnt have a new year resolution


I'm sure someone is looking at me like ๐Ÿ˜’Yea, I didn't. [I'm in my office, come and beat me๐Ÿ˜†].
With new year resolutions, i keep going around the same mountain.

I've realized over the years that i'm always on overdrive at the beginning of the year with a long list of do's and don'ts but couple of months into the year, I find myself on auto-reverse๐Ÿ˜….

Then towards September [my birth month], I get to reappraise my life, count my days and apply my heart unto wisdom just like the bible said [I'm literal about that part of the bible]. 


Then i will go back to the long list and try to end the year on a good note.

But I never felt fulfilled. I always felt like a failure and promise myself to do better the next year.

This happened almost ALL my life !!!


It felt quite unspiritual entering the new year without my usual long list. 
At a point, I had to speak with a couple of friends because I felt it was so wrong to start a new year that way but I was determined to be open, ready and apt. 
Couple of weeks into the year, I noticed a mind shift. 
After a while, it was like my senses were on top gear picking up new things, seeing things in a different way, opportunities were coming my way, it was like the heavens and the earth were literally aligning things for my favor.  

I have achieved more mentally, financially and spiritually in the past 53 days.

I realized that instead of being limited by a long list that will probably never be adhered to, BE OPEN AND READY TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART DAILY!

Be open minded DAILY.
Change you thinking DAILY.
Expect new things to come your way DAILY. 
Prepare yourself daily for greatness DAILY.

So, it's a daily race, daily thriving, daily striding, daily progress and eventually my year will be superb. 

*NB: In case, new year resolutions works out well for you, Please keep it up!


Monday, 11 December 2017

The Pushers!!!

Early this year, while speaking with one of my mentors, he mentioned "3 words" that literally PUSH him to keep moving forward. 

That conversation didn't leave me, every time i'm faced with a challenge i remember those words and i make good use of them.


1ST PUSHER - IGBAGBO [FAITH, BELIEF]

Faith is a conviction that keeps you going no matter what. 

Everyone must have something they hold on to in life. Never live life without a fortress or backup. 

I've had terrible instances that my faith in God was the last string that kept me out of depression and hopelessness. 

Ensure you daily work on your faith in God because He alone remains constant when everything or everyone else fails. 


2ND PUSHER - AGBARI [STREET SENSE, WISDOM]

Wisdom is the right application of all we read, learn, unlearn, research, know, understand.

We all desire to make that decision or come up with that $1 billion idea that will change the world, digging deep in to this "Agbari- Street Sense" will eventually bring you into that change.

Life doesn't drop goodies on our laps, we have to be radical and strategic in our thinking in order to do awesome things. 


3RD PUSHER - AGIDI [TOUGHNESS]

Resilience, doggedness and toughness is the key to success. 

I thought recently at how timid and scared i get trying new things, the thoughts of failure alone would cripple me from moving ahead. 

But life made me realize that toughness and never giving up is the key to moving ahead through challenges and difficult times.

When life gives you lemon make lemonade from it. Delay isn't denial. "No" sometimes mean "wait"- it will come but it's not now. 

๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š

These "Pushers" have been the keynotes to my success story so far. 

I've been able to cross hurdles and achieve so much beyond my goals for this season. 


๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡
Drop in the comment box, your "Pushers" so that we can learn from them.
Thanks. 

Wednesday, 22 November 2017

LETTER TO MY YOUNG SELF


Written by Theo'pistis Danjuma 
I remember how as a teenager I couldn't wait to grow up.
It was the only thing I looked forward to on each birthday and each new year.
I counted down with bated breath to my next birthday especially when I was about to hit 18 and then 21.
At that time, it seemed like it was taking forever as I yearned to earn my freedom, experience some legal and economic rights.
Wish I knew there was more to growing up!
If I could talk to my young self, I would tell her that each phase is a gift and an experience that she should savour patiently and passionately because each day that is gone can never be recovered.
I would tell my young self not to worry about how she looked or didn't look physically. They were the last thing that mattered at that time.
I would tell her not to listen to all what the boys said, especially to the nasty ones who teased her and made her feel she lacked something.
I'd tell her not to waste her time and tears trying to impress any boy. If he doesn't know she is a treasure and doesn't treat her as one, he doesn't deserve her.
I'd tell her to speak up more for herself and the things that she believes in and never to try to please everyone.
I'd tell her it's okay to make mistakes and even fail sometimes; that as long as she learns from them and continues to push forward, they will become her success story to tell.
I'd tell her confront her fears and never allow them to limit her.
I'd tell her to be bold and confident, to dream so big it scares her.
I'd tell her to invest herself in chasing and knowing God more. To serve and love him with careless abandon because her time is all hers at that point and eventually nothing else matters.
I would tell my young self to talk less and listen more......I'd tell her it's one life she has to live so she mustn't be pressured into taking hasty decisions and must live it to the fullest.
I'd tell her these and many more.
But I know you know I can't tell these to her again, so I say them to your young self hoping you never have to learn the hard way.
You are loved.
Me.๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

About Theo'pistis.
Theo or Kenny is my childhood friend who has become a sister. 
We've being friends for about 26 years [Yea, that long...she is my longest friend]. 
Theo is a serial entrepreneur and a resident Pastor at Godhouse, Warri. 
Theo is married to an anointed man of God, Pastor Theophilus Danjuma and they are blessed with 2 children [Bev and Levi].

Everyone needs a Theo in their lives. 

Someone who can speak the truth to you without holding back.
Someone who has known you for as long as you have known yourself and can regularly remind you of your dreams as a child. 
Someone who can hold you by your hands and pray for you when you are too weak to say a word. 
Someone who believes in you much more than you believe in yourself. 
Someone that can speak phonics and you remember you truly went to school๐Ÿ˜‚ .
Mama Theo, I celebrate you. 

Monday, 20 November 2017

Why can't I have multiple wedding rings???

Old couples๐Ÿ’•

I know most people's answer will be No!!! 

"I want to stick to the ring that my Pastor blessed๐Ÿ˜›", some people will reply.

I love when i see an elderly couple married for 30 years and they are still wearing their initial wedding ring.๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• 

Yea its really cool. But that's so conventional right [and maybe boring๐Ÿ˜ก]


But really๐Ÿ˜‰

But why can't we have multiple engagement and wedding rings?

I feel life on this side of eternity is too short to wear the same wedding ring till death do apart. ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

Just buy your fairy-tale rings, bless and rock them๐Ÿ˜Š.


I Love rings๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

My friends call me "Lord of the rings".๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Yea, i love rings and i'm unapologetic about it ๐Ÿ˜‚

I remember i got 2 engagement rings cos i was bored with the 1st one. 

Guess what, i don't have my 1st wedding ring anymore.

Why? I traded it ๐Ÿ™ˆ. It became a boring view and i had another beautiful option.

I have been married for 7 years and i have up to 7 wedding rings in all๐Ÿ™ˆ, though I've lost a few along the way.

Do you know that the first thing i look for when i see a lady is her rings๐Ÿ™ˆ.

I size ladies up by their rings, my bad yeah....it's just my crush. ๐Ÿ’“

My ring market and options๐Ÿ’ƒ

Any jewelry store i see i scan for something that stands out. If its a good price, i pick it.

Good rings aren't expensive and doesn't have to be from a fancy store.

Most good and cheap rings have an inscription written in it [925]. I learnt that if the ring can withstand the heat of inscription, then it will last. 

Sterling silver is cheap though there are different grades and if you manage it well you can use it for years without fading. 


How i manage my rings๐Ÿ’

I don't sleep with my rings, nor bath or apply cream on them.

I keep them in a ring box.

I learnt that you can wash with tomato water and it works well.


Shots of few of my rings๐Ÿ˜›


๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—
Leave a comment below if you are an unconventional ring lover like me๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“



lol @ lord of the rings. Nice one  and errrm they sure look good on u. A new sets for next year right? 

Saturday, 18 November 2017

Detours.

Life is full of Detours

I wish life was so easy by announcing the detours [delays, disappointments, denials, deaths, diseases, dismissals...] ahead of time. 


Nope!!!

It's never that easy.

A wise man said; "life tests are unannounced".

Yes, we sometimes get premonitions and a little witness in our hearts that things might not go as planned, but we just shove them off or we try not to be negative. 


In my a little more than 3 decades on this side of eternity, I've come to know by experience, that your respond to detours [delays, disappointments, denials, deaths, diseases, dismissals...] determines the quality of your life.


Do you ever wonder why people commit suicide?

Do you ever wonder why people give up?


I think they respond that way because, they just can't figure out how to get to their destination in life.


HOW I'VE BEEN HANDLING DETOURS!

Firstly, I believe in God and i know His plans for me are good. [I always focus on that, God can't be mean or wicked to me just because i messed up? No, He can't].

Secondly, I have a mindset that no matter how bad or worse the situation gets better days are ahead. So i stay woke hopeful. 


Thirdly, I keep moving, pushing, grinding, trying, hoping, expecting, praying.....not stoping!!!

Well handled detours eventually turn out for you good.

Don't give!

Stay Woke!

Continue Grinding!

You will get there!